I am so mad

I'm so mad.. I absolutly hate my ex-husband.. or should I say the sperm donor for my two oldest children.. This freakin jerk has figured out how to f--- the system and my kids out of child support.. the lazy mf has filed for disability for a back injury saying he cannot work, and will never be able to, he is full of shit.. liar.. drunk .. drug using asshole.. can afford to stay messed up but cant even pay the tiny bit of child support ordered years ago.. 100 per week for 2 kids.. which was nothing really but omg at least a little bit .. he gets away with bs .. never bought clothes for these kids never done anything except maybe the occasional phone call *(usually drunk ) or sent a 20 gift card .. the asshole sends me an email telling me how if the girls dont want to talk to him that he will just stop sending the gift cards as well considering they dont want anything to do with him.. blah blah .. how can anybody treat their own kids like that.. anyway my girls dont talk to him and havent off and on for years.. everytime they tried to get close to him he would take off or end up in jail etc. they just simply got tired of trying, my youngest did visit him on weekends for awhile but even then he sat in his room drinking and getting high and never had time to spend away from that or the game system of choice.. to be with her. Im sorry if this is scrambbeld but omg am just pissed .. needed to vent a bit .. hope you will forgive my personal bs .. but omg what a freaking jerk .. how the hell do people turn into such freaks ... how do you not love your own child.. he is not the person he used to be thats for sure .. and I dont know what the heck he turned into but nothing good.. ok ok back to my story... he filed for disability and the county attorneys office says that they cant do anything as long as he has a dr ( which they said is a disability dr) and cant disprove a back injury says he cant work they will do nothing until he gets his disability unless he gets suplemental ssi and then my kids will get very little.. they also say it will be god knows how long before will will know it could go on for years.. I think its total bs.. how in the hell is this fair.... ok I guess Im done.. could bitch for another page but I think you get the gist of it..

Yep, ex'es can be real jerks. My son's father hasn't bothered contacting him for well over a year now, and he lives in the same city! It was the first Christmas last year that he didn't even bother to call. I wonder how he and your ex can live with themselves as the children only suffer as a result. It is really sad.

I know just how you feel. Mine owes me 15 thousand in back support. I raised these kids by myself for 10 yrs now. He gave a little here and a little there but he owes me 15 thousand that I will never see.
he doesn't call them, he doesn't send them a card for their bday or Christmas, nothing. he actually moved to Florida after our divorce and his words to the kids where "I have nothing left here in Chicago so I am going"..NOTHING LEFT YOU SOB, YOU HAVE YOUR KIDS.
When I say I do know what you are going through, believe me I know exactly what you are going through.
As I read your letter I thought it was me who wrote it because it sounds just like me.

The only good thing I can say is if he gets disability all of kids get it to, back pay from the day he signed up.

Yep the kids will receive SS as long as they are going to school and if they go to collage. ...don't think they will get back pay but he will.

Larry wrote:Yep the kids will receive SS as long as they are going to school and if they go to collage. ...don't think they will get back pay but he will.

My boys both got back pay , from the day my ex applied they got their money from. So they both got a check for 16 months. They have to be in school and 18 and under.

Sorry to hear about the mess you and your kids are going through, Marti. I can't imagine how to explain to a child that their father just doesn't care about them, without scarring them even worse.

And the worst thing is, kids often tend to blame themselves, like they think it's THEIR fault Dad left!

Geez, that really sucks. Sorry to hear about this, Marti.

Hello everybody, thank you so much for listening to me.. I would maybe have a bit of sympathy if I thought for one sec he was really ill or really disabled .. he just found out he has 2 more children in NY .. twins.. he did this bs to not have to work or have to actually pay child support for any of them. After he and I split up.. he never had one job he didnt claim workers comp on .. never paid his c.s. regular .. never.. the only solid two years of something he did was prison in alabama for cocain, which of course was not his, anyway hope I am making it a lil more clear why am so mad over this crap. Im sorry guys still ranting but so angry..Mouse has been more of a dad than theirs ever was, I am greatful to have him.. love you guys for being here helping me and listening to my bs .. xoxoxo..hugs and again thank you ..

We are here for ya Marti, chin up!

What a jerk glad you got rid of his ass it's the kids that lose it's ok to be so mad.

this really sucks, I wonder if you made it a point o inform them of his havibs of always claiming workmans comp if they would see a pattern and investigate it.
Then again, he still won't pay anything, even if he doesn't get it and then the kids won't get anything either.
He sounds like such an ass, that the kids are better off not being near him.
It feels good to blow off steam tho.
chin up Marti.

Marti, as all have said chin up & take care of your babies. They know that mommy's the best. My SIL split from her ex. They have a daughter, my neice. He's hispanic, had a green card, went thru process of becoming a us citizen. While they were married they were living in a trailer, owned the land, my inlaws were getting up in age, needed a place they had been landlords at an apt complex, had to leave due to unavailabilty to handle the maintenance (not being spry anymore). They have 7 kids (1 being my hubby who is the baby of the 7). We all came together & built a small house on the property of my SIL up next to her trailer for them to live in. They lived there till my FIL passed then my MIL moved in with another daughter. Timing being what it was my SIL had had her fill of her ex's gambling, drinking never being there, hardly paying bills always gambling it away. Like yours, he found the funds to keep his pleasures yet couldn't take care of his wife & child. The poor girl grew up in a house with the man never really acknowledging her or her mother. When they split my SIL & my niece moved into the house that had been built on & he stayed in the trailer. He also managed to get hurt at work, get on disability & they were lucky if they saw that they were RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO THE MAN & yet it was like he lived across the country for he managed to avoid & not pay & yet was able to move on on several occasions to another relationship & had the odacity to TAKE HIS DAUGHTER over to the other womans house & introduce her to HER children & daugnt on them in front of my niece & expect her to do the same & put these kids up on pedastools. My niece has become a very strong young lady. She has risen up thru all the hurt & managed to accept dad as not being dad just a name & she is making something of herself, she is 21 & has gotten her bachelors degree & is continuing schooling along with working & is looking at the possiblity of getting her foot into the door here to become a music teacher in one of the districts here that is willing to work with her on bringing her on board and paying for her to continue to go to school to finish out getting her teachers degree. She has gone thru hell just as yours are doing but she is the BEST kid & is very well grounded & has worked 24/7 with college & work to get to where she is now & she is tops in her class has received presidential grants & other scholarships which helped tremendously in getting her as far as she is at this point.

So I understand your frustration. This young lady, had raised up above the humiliation/lack of recognition from her father (he'd do it when it was convient for him, which was seldom), & is one strong young lady considering the path she's had to walk down & accomplished what she has.

I know it's frustrating, but getting your blood pressure up & stress level on top of all that does nothing to him & has bad vibes that the kids have to learn to survive thru, I hate to say it but at some point the best solution is no solution. Just take what the good Lord has given you, trust in him, & you will see a light at the tunnel that you can acheive by taking his hand. There will be trials but look at them as ant hills, take care of it, leave it (no dwelling), move on & you are soon up & walking becoming stronger on yours & Gods partnership in attaining the goal (by setting up steps to reach, & celebrate that accomplishment, start the next level attain, etc. & before you know it you have reached the goal & will find at the end of that goal an plan/opportunity will avail to begin you on to the next task that you will be used to Glorify God & receive the blessings for the job you just did & did it well. It's a cycle that is a continual path you will be on should you choose it. Frustrations, they are a given rather you have a plan or not. I like having mine with the path, for the frustations/trials keep me driven & I see the lives touched from my expierences. Some are received & helped to make anothers travels easier or at least awareness which enables them to have a plan for action & ready to conquer what lies before them in. You'd be surprised how your trials & how you handled them will give another hope & an lifesaver ring when they maybe on the brink of disaster & you gave them the tools to prevent it.

You are an awesome woman & are a hero in your kids eyes. Just love them, they will come to a point (& are at that to some degree from your statement) where all this drama will make them stronger due to how you handled the situation. It will certainly help them. Look at it this way, you could be like my SIL & have the SOB living on the same property as you, having it right under your nose each & every day. I find that no matter how bad your situation is, there's one out there that doesn't have a parent at all, and worse yet don't have either of them.

You're doing great. Give them all hugz from us here, & pat yourself on your back for the AWESOME job you have done. You've had to pick up the dad role & the mom role, which is an enormous task in itself alone.

Sorry, think I rambled more than you, but wanted to let you know, you are definately not alone with this. You feel like venting, vent girlfriend, we'll hear ya.

Take care my friend,
Kris

I want to say again, thank you all, you are so appreciated, and to Kris, that's so horrible.. no I could not live next door.. hell no. I do appeciate your sharing with me. I know there are so many out there worse but, damn if it isn't still hard to just let go with being so angry, maybe someday. I doubt it, I think that will never go away for the way he has and will always treat them. I love these kids more than anything, cant stand that they hurt, thats worse than anything.
I have to say this.. you all here are the best people, I could not have been any luckier to find such wonderful friends anywhere... huggies to you all... ok am done being mushy back to ole crabby me..lol..

I know wallering is good for the soul for a piece of the time, just know when that piece/point hits to stop & move on. & BTW WELCOME BACK as you have had your piece, so make it peace.

It is a good stress reliever to get something off your chest instead of keeping it in and it eating away at you. Excellent therapy!!!

Hi Marti, sorry to read of your troubles. There's always a silver lining and in your case it is that you are damn well rid of the guy. Just hold that thought. It will do you the power of good. Always remember that there are millions of people out there who care for each other and for you. But I've got to agree...it does your heart good to really let fly and get things off your chest. God Bless.

I am sorry to hear of your troubles. Most of the time it is the man who does the screwing over of the woman.
Give me a day or two and I will write a true story (so weird, so crasy, yet so true) about a friend and what he is still going thru, and will continue to go thru for the rest of his life, because his ex-wife fell in love with another man and she wanted his house and his mothers inheretance.

And they way she went about doing it---well, lets just say it was so wrong on so many levels.

Give me a day or two, please. I will show you LOW DOWN scum !!

Hey there Wuggy .. Hello Shadetree... I have calmed down now. I think the hardest part of it all for me is that I grew up without my dad, he was around, but only when he wanted to be, not when I needed him. I really thought that my girls sperm donor would NEVER be that way, no matter what the circumstance between he and I. I really thought the girls were the one thing he would care about most. The reality of it all just makes me ill. Its crazy how we think we really know someone. I spent 11 years married to him, I never thought he would walk away from the girls and not do right by them. I just can't imagine how anyone does that.. they are my heart and soul. The best things I've ever done in life.. my children all 3 of them. I believe they are better off without him after all thats happened and been said and done, but dang if Ill understand how any person can not love their own children. That is just beyond my comprehension. Thanks again my friends for being here and listening and always for your kind words and advice. Hugs...

Marti, I know you hurt for your kids, but think of it this way...they're probably going to be stronger for it, and if that's the kind of guy he is, they sure as hell don't need that sort of "example" in their lives.