Medical Moments

by **Doreen** February 28th 2009, 10:48 pm

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL MOMENTS:
> >
> >
> >
> > 1. A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My
> wife's
> > going to have her baby in the cab!
> > I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
> > lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
>
> > Suddenly, I noticed that there were several cabs --
> and I
> > was in the wrong one.
> >
> > Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX
> >
> >
> >
> > 2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a
> stethoscope on
> > an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's
> anterior
> > chest wall.
> > Big breaths, I instructed.
> > Yes, they used to be, replied the patient.
> >
> > Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA .
> >
> >
> >
> > 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
> told a
> > wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial
> > infarc(tion).
> > Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
> reporting to
> > the rest of the family that he had died of a,
> 'massive
> > internal fart.'
> >
> > Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
> >
> >
> >
> > 4. During a patient's two week follow-up
> appointment
> > with his
> > cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was
> > having trouble with one of his medications.
> > Which one, I asked?
> > The patch, the nurse told me to put on a new one every
> six
> > hours, and now I'm running out of places to put
> it!
> > I had him quickly undress, and discovered what I hoped
> I
> > wouldn't see.
> > Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
> > Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch
> > before applying a new one.
> >
> > Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA.
> >
> >
> >
> > 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly
> patient, I
> > asked, How long have you been bedridden?
> > After a look of complete confusion, she
> answered....Why,
> > not for about twenty years -- when my husband was
> > alive.'
> >
> > Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR
> >
> >
> >
> > 6. I was caring for a woman and asked, 'So,
> how's
> > your breakfast this morning?
> > It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly.
> > I can't seem to get used to the taste,' the
> patient
> > replied.
> > I then asked to see the jelly, and the woman produced
> a
> > foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
> >
> > Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI
> >
> >
> >
> > 7. A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a
> young
> > woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker
> mohawk,
> > sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange
> clothing,
> > entered.
> > It was quickly determined that the patient had acute
> > appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate
> surgery.
> > When she was completely disrobed on the operating
> table,
> > the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed
> green,
> > and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep
> off the
> > grass.'
> > Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a
> short
> > note on the patient's dressing, which said,
> 'Sorry,
> > had to mow the lawn.'
> >
> > Submitted by RN, no name.
> >
> >
> >
> > AND FINALLY!!!...
> >
> >
> >
> > 8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I
> was
> > quite
> > embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.
> > To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed
> a
> > habit of whistling softly.
> > The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this
> exam
> > suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing
> me.
> > I looked up from my work and sheepishly said,
> > I'm sorry.
> > Was I tickling you?
> > She replied, No doctor, but the song you were
> whistling
> > was,
> > 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'
> >
> > Doctor wouldn't submit his name (Can't blame
> him!)
>